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My Confidence Journey

It is funny for me to think that there was a time when I was not so confident in my skin. To a point, I believe everyone is a little insecure no matter how confident they claim to be. Throughout my middle school and high school years I got enough attention to have confidence and sometimes I felt like I was. But for the most part I only felt confident less than half the time. I did not like how most clothes looked on me. I felt at a loss for my own personal style which made shopping for clothes that did look good much harder. I often felt in between styles and could not find looks that fit me. Not to mention, I had a baby face which would be great down the line but not at the time. It made me look years younger so it was hard to pass as a high schooler. I never looked my age in social settings. That felt damaging to my image in high school. Additionally, I never liked to go out without a little bit of makeup. Just so people would not say anything about my age or how young I looked. Of course everyone has their own set of insecurities.

It was not until I started modeling that I began to feel some confidence. But not just in the way I looked in clothes but also the way my body felt. I started to recognize the fact that everyone had insecurities. Even the biggest and baddest models have parts of their bodies that are not "perfect." That is such a relieving feeling. To know that even the people in the magazines struggle with body image as well. Most times models get a lot of their insecurities edited out. I really do not think there is anything necessarily wrong with this. It is just important to be able to recognize that an image can be altered and that model has their own insecurities. It can be a boost to a model's ego but it is equally as important to recognize that image is art and has been altered. Which is why it is not good that people compare so heavily to models in the catalogues and magazines. No one is perfect and that is a fact.

Now that I have been modeling for a year I can say that I have developed a pretty sound sense of confidence in my self. I feel very confident in my skin (for the most part of course). For the first time in years I feel comfortable not wearing makeup wherever I go. I also was able to pinpoint my style through modeling. When I started I thought of my style as more grunge. Now that I have a whole new closet full of modeling clothes I have found a way to expand my style while still including some of the basic elements from my grunge favorites. That conversation is for a whole other blog post though. Confidence is something that can be obtained from modeling or photography and its a very beautiful thing. It does not even have to be a full on shoot with makeup, hair, photographer. It could be you and your friends with your iphone 10. Whatever makes you feel confident and beautiful in your own skin.

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